


The Dating Game - Say Yes To This Mess

by aca_bhlo_me



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F, dating show, minor characters given bigger time because who has time to create new characters, this is definitely a disaster waiting to happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-05-17 07:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14827797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aca_bhlo_me/pseuds/aca_bhlo_me
Summary: Beca is forced to be a contestant on a dating game show by her roommate and the host of the show Fat Amy.  Chloe is the desperado looking for love and finds herself on said game show.  Who knows what could happen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic - so be warned - it's likely a steaming pile of shit but I've been sitting on it for a while and want to know if it's worth continuing.  
> Feel free to sling me crap, or nothing at all. I've kinda proof-read it but I second guess myself on EVERYTHING soooooooo.  
> I'm on tumblr as aca-bhlo-me as well.

“No.  It’s not going to happen Ames,” Beca stated firmly.

**_Wait, before we get too far in, lets recap:_ **

Beca Mitchell is a short, brunette 27 year old radio presenter and part time DJ.  Music is her life.  It takes most of her free time in and out of work unless she’s dragged out into public to get her forced quota of “fun”.  With so little time to spare, she rarely goes on dates.  Her DJ work allows her to meet the occasional fling but that’s hardly more than sex and it’s only often enough to convince her friends that she’s not dead.

Focused more on perfecting her craft and also finding time to come up with asinine competitions and segments for the show she co-hosts with her best friend Jesse.  As much as she hates to admit it, she does have a lot of fun in her job, even if she has to spend most of her day getting shit from Jesse, getting up early for her shift (why they have to do the morning show she has no idea because mornings? yuck) or you know, being around people.  They became really good friends in college after she assured him that she was gay and he dubbed himself her wing man.  Eventually after graduating he managed to get an internship at the radio station and convinced Beca that it would be a good start to get her music out there.  They’ve been working together ever since and Beca wouldn’t change it (well except for those god awful movie marathons he makes her sit through for “research for the show”, when really Jesse just seems to like torturing her).

Beca is currently at the studio set where her other best friend and roommate is about to film the pilot episode of her show “Fat Amy’s Say Yes to this Mess” – which from the little Beca had listened to her describe, just sounded like Amy wanting to get desperate people to do ridiculous things in order to find someone (because you’d totally have to be some desperate loser to go on a Dating Show).  Amy (or Fat Amy as she preferred to be called) was just about the loudest, most insane person that Beca had ever met.  The overweight blonde drove Beca mad but she was the best friend she had apart from Jesse.  They’ve lived together since college and sometimes the brunette wondered how one of them wasn’t dead or in jail (again) with the amount of shenanigans that Amy manages to drag them both into. 

Amy said that she had forgotten her “lucky stuffed croc” but now that she’s here, Beca knows that was a load of shit just to get her here. 

**_Which brings us back to…._ **

“No.  It’s not going to happen Ames,” Beca stated firmly.

“Come on Beca!  I never ask you for anything!”

Beca crossed her arms in an attempt to stand her ground, “You asked me for $20 for the vending machine like 10 minutes ago!”

Amy threw on a shocked face, “Yeah but that was because there was a hungry dingo outside, it wasn’t even for me.”

Beca looked at her in disbelief, “Uhhhh ok then, what about this morning when you asked if I could get your underwear out of the microwave and bring it to you?  Which by the way, we are throwing out the microwave when we get home.”

“So, I like to have a toasty muffin in the morning, besides it’s not like I have herpes.”

“Wow that is so not the point,” Beca narrowed her eyebrows at the blonde.

The brunette knew she had to get out and quick.  She never wins against Amy because she plays dirty.

“Listen shortstack, I didn’t want to have to pull out the big guns but you leave me no choice.  You are going out there and helping me or I will release that video of you running around with no pants on yelling about how raccoon’s stole your penis on your show’s Facebook page.”

Beca faltered, and Fat Amy knew she had won. 

“You put magic mushrooms in the nachos!  I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing!!”  Beca shouted, trying to explain, she knew that video was embarrassing and she did NOT want that getting out. 

“Ahhh I told you that they were magic nachos, what else did you want?  The recipe??  I definitely can’t give you that, it’s a family secret.  My mum would shit bricks if she found out I gave it out.”

Beca groaned loudly, she knew she wasn’t getting out of this now, resigning herself to her fate she threw Fat Amy a glare, “If I do this, you will delete that video and all copies of it.  No more using it as leverage.”

Fat Amy nodded and clapped her hands, “Yeahhhh DJ!  Let’s get you ready!” 

“Hey!  What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?!” Beca chased after the blonde as she walked towards the backstage.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________  


So as it turns out, Amy didn’t make her change clothes.  Apparently what she was wearing was good because it “brings out the lesbian in her eyes” (Beca scoffed and rolled her eyes when she’d heard that – since when is a blank tank top under a purple and black flannel and a leather cuff on her left wrist, with dark skinny jeans and combat boots a typical lesbian outfi… oh yep.  It was totally gay.  Gayest of all the gays.  The only thing that would make it gayer would be if she had a girl on her face, Beca will give her that).  The blonde just needed her to get a mic pack attached to her jeans for the show. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________  


The DJ saw the competition (is that what she calls them?  This isn’t something she wants to win, she isn’t even here by choice!) while backstage as well.  She’s not even sure what this is going to entail, she seems to be up against a stiff looking dude, and a football player-type guy as well.  She sees their name tags which say “Chicago” and “Thomas”. 

 _‘Typical jock looking douchebags.  I feel bad for whoever is going to end up with one of them.’_  
  


Beca pulled her phone out of her pocket to text Jesse about her sudden change in afternoon plans (at least she is getting out of a movie).

**Beca: Have to bail on your snooze-a-thon tonight.  Helping Amy.**

**Jesse: :’(**

**Jesse: Wat does she need u 4 Becaw?**

**Beca: I hate that nickname.**

**Beca: Filming the pilot of her show today, she was a contestant short.  I was blackmailed.**

**Jesse: Ahhh she needed a short contestant.  Explains why you are there ;)**

**Beca: I’m blocking your number.**

**Jesse: Aw Becaw don’t b like that :(**

**Jesse: WAIT**

**Jesse: Isn’t it a dating game show???**

**Beca: Maybe**

**Jesse: WOW Amy must have something good on u**

**Jesse: Is this going on TV?  I have 2 watch this**

**Beca: No?  I think it’s just to present to the network to see if it’s worth paying for more episodes.**

**Jesse: I’ll see if Amy will give it 2 me.**

**Jesse: :O MAYB WE CAN USE IT 4 THE SHOW**

**Beca: NO.  I swear I will burn your dvd collection.**

**Jesse: Fine, but I want to at least see it.  Best Friend rights :D**

**Beca: Ugh.**

**Jesse: Luv u Becaw.**

**Jesse: This is totally going to b ur movie romance!**

**Beca: I couldn’t be more upset at this conversation.**

**Jesse: Come on B!  U haven’t been on a date in 4eva, just have fun!**

**Beca: This is Amy we are talking about.  I’m probably going to end up dead or in jail.**

**Jesse: Possibly, but u could have fun 1 st :D**

**Jesse: Let me know how u go and tell me if I need 2 bring bail $$$**

**Beca: Maybe.  Later Jess.**

 

Putting her phone back in her pocket, she spots Amy coming over to her.  Wanting confirmation that the show wasn’t going to be aired on TV (which she now realizes she should have thought about this earlier – there is NO WAY she will be humiliated on TV), she probed the blonde for info with her eyebrows furrowed.

“So Ames, this isn’t… gonna be like… on tv is it?”

Fat Amy shoots her an uncertain glance, “uhhhhh…  uhhhhh, no – of… of course not, totally not at all.”

Beca groans loudly, not convinced by Amy’s reluctance to answer. 

The crazy Australian suddenly throws out, “Don’t worry your tiny body with such things.  You should see the firecracker we have lined up for you guys.  You are so gonna cream your jeans shortstack!”

The brunette cringed at that description, “That’s a disgusting image but thank you.  I’m not doing this to get a date though so don’t expect anything but mild obedience of the rules, which by the way, you haven’t explained to me what I have to do!”

“Uhhhh…” Fat Amy looks around and then pretends she is being called elsewhere, “Oh sorry BM, being called into the room… with the important host stuff.”  With that, she runs off leaving Beca alone wondering what the hell she has gotten herself into.  
  
__________________________________________________________________________________________________  


**_“Our last complete mess is from Portland.  She is 27, but as tall as a 12 year old.  A radio presenter by day and DJ Treble by night.  It’s the Big BM herself, Beca Effin Mitchell!”_ **

Beca is shoved out onto the stage by some dude with a clipboard (which is totally unnecessary, she was definitely going to go out on stage… maybe… there was NO running away planned… possibly just hiding instead).  The lights are bright and there is an audience as well which Beca guesses is for laughing tracks?

 

She walks over to the standing area with the 2 other suckers (contestants) – and she wages that neither of them have ANY idea what Fat Amy is capable of.

Looking around, there isn’t much to see.  There appears to be more stages but they are covered with curtains.  Amy stands with Chica-go-away-from-me and Tom-ass (she giggles internally at her own names for them) and listens to what Amy says next.

“So fellas and bella, you are all here to try and win the affection and possibly a date from the 2nd hottest sheila in this studio tonight – the 1st being my sexy fat ass.  Now the single lady, as my bff Beyoncé would put it, will not be seeing you guys just yet.  If you guys can go park your butts on those seats over there, we’ll bring out Chloe.”

All 3 of them walk over to the seating area and the lights around them dim.  There’s a wall covering where she assumes this “Chloe” will be so that they can’t see her and she can’t see them.  Amy starts announcing again when they are seated.

“So audience, our arm candy and potential date for the 3 hot messes over there, is Chloe Beale.  She’s 30 and from Miami originally, a vet by day and likes to sing and dance in her spare time – although I might have to challenge that as the best singer in Tasmania, with teeth.  Without giving too much away let’s get this ginger out here!”

There’s applause from the audience and she can barely hear what Amy is saying, she doesn’t really care about what’s going on and just wants this to be over as soon as possible.  Amy announces that the first thing they will be doing is “Blind Question time” – which apparently involves this Chloe asking them 3 questions each.  Since Tom is first up, Beca has time to relax and listen to what happens (this time will be used wishing she was somewhere else and also possibly trying to not sound like an asshole when she has to answer the questions).

She hears a sweet voice start talking and it must be Chloe.  She sounds…chirpy?  No, that’s not right… Effervescent?  Maybe…  Oh fuck, stop that thinking before it gets any more cliché.

_‘Ugh Mitchell.  Just get through the game and go home.  Also get drunk.  And pizza, get pizza.  You need to wipe this whole night from your memory.’_

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Hi Tom”

“Hey Chloe” (Beca can hear a smugness to Tom-ass’s voice that makes her roll her eyes)

“Let’s pretend it’s our first date, where would we go and what would we do?”  Chloe starts the questions off with an obvious one.

Tom clears his throat and then follows with the most obnoxious answer she has possibly ever heard (including from her radio show with Jesse!) - "Well, firstly I’d pick you up in my 2017 Mercedes and take you to an expensive restaurant in the downtown area.  The chef would come over and speak to us before cooking us the most exclusive dishes on the menu and we’d make everyone in the place jealous.  After that I’d take you back to my penthouse and we’d see each other over breakfast the next morning if you catch my drift.”

Beca could not be rolling her eyes any harder, she feels like they might roll right out of her head after this.  It’s quite clear that no one really can believe that Tom said that (like seriously… it has to be a joke right??).

Chloe recovers quickly and says it sounds nice, but the way she says it has Beca thinking she sounds horrified but seems too polite to call him out.

“Well, I’d jump on him after that,” Amy says to fill the pause then she proceeds to tell Chloe to ask him the next question.

“Ok so Tom, if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why?” Chloe sounds cheerful still but slightly hesitant, as if she is worried about what she might hear this time and Beca is positive she should be worried.

“Oh well that’s easy, I’d want a smaller penis because currently it’s huge and while it’s amazing and works for every girl I’ve been with, I could certainly lose a few inches and everything would still be above average.  Might even make playing basketball easier.”

Beca thinks she might choke on her own laughter.  She’s never heard such a ridiculous statement said out loud before.  Now she’s positive that this isn’t an actual show at all.  Fat Amy must be running something similar to “Punk’d” and these are paid actors.  She tries to contain her snorts of laughter as Chloe and Fat Amy start talking again.

“Ahhh… ok then, that’s certainly an interesting take on the question…” Chloe says.

“So twiggy, you’ve found out some pretty personal things about Tom, how about we skip his last question for now before he flashes his man meat and it looks us directly in the eyes.”

Beca thinks she hears a very quiet “Oh thank god” from Chloe and she smirks at that.  Fat Amy tells Chicago that he’s up for question time now and Beca hears him shifting to get comfortable on his chair beside her.

“Hi there Chicago,” Chloe says sweetly albeit hesitantly after the cringe-fest she was just put through.

“Umm oh hi Chloe!” Chicago slightly sputters out.

“Can you please describe your perfect date?” Chloe finishes her first question to Chicago.

She hears him clear his throat, seemingly buying a little time before answering, “Oh I don’t eat dates.  They’re wrinkly and they smell funny.  I don’t really know how to pick the perfect one, umm… I guess I would just ask someone.”

It takes Beca a second to realise that this (too) is not a joke and when she does, she’s not sure if she should laugh or go over and comfort Chloe because she clearly has the pick of the litter tonight. 

_‘Hopefully Chloe has a good sense of humour because otherwise this is shit-fest is just sad.’_

“Rightio, well it kinda looks like the lights are on but no one’s home with that answer!  Ahh why don’t you move along to the next question ginger,” Fat Amy responds before Chloe has a chance to. 

“Umm… ok.  Chicago, where do you see yourself in five years?”

“Oh that’s easy.  Definitely in a mirror.  Oh!  Maybe in a photo, orrrrr my selfie camera on my phone.”  Chicago almost sounds proud of his answer, like he’s winning a quiz.  Beca kinda worries that he may not even realise what this show is for.  Chloe must feel relieved that at least this guy isn’t a straight up egotistical, arrogant jerk because she lets out a chuckle at his answer.

“Thank you for your honesty Chicago,” she states.

“Well I think we know where the next question will go, so maybe we’ll just move on to the next set of questions – so shortstack you’re up!” Fat Amy’s announcement suddenly jolts Beca out of her thoughts and she feels anxious all over again.  It’s not like she has much to compete with (even though she is definitely not competing here), as long as she isn’t an ass and sounds somewhat less stupid than she feels being on this show, she should be fine.

“Hey Beca,” Chloe sounds a little defeated to Beca and that makes her stomach twinge a little because she sounds like a genuinely nice lady.

“Hey Chloe,” if Beca is honest, she kinda wants to say more but she has no idea how she could try and comfort this stranger, she doesn’t even know how to comfort her best friends!

“Ok so, my first question is: in relationships, do you like to plan the dates, be spontaneous or have the dates planned for you?”

“Yikes, you could’ve given me an easy one Beale,” (Beca hopes it’s Beale, she’s pretty sure that’s what Amy said.  Oh god how embarrassing if it’s not).  Beca has to think about her answer for a minute.  For some reason she kind of wants to give Chloe some hope, or at least something better than what she’s been dealing with already tonight, though it’s not like the bar has been set super high.  “Well like Chicago, I don’t eat dates – just kidding.  I think a little of all 3 if I’m honest.  Planning dates is nice for important events, but my friends have taught me over the years – very reluctantly on my part – that spontaneity isn’t going to kill me, well at least it hasn’t yet.  And if my partner wants to surprise me well I’m ok with that too – as long as the surprise isn’t like pushing me off a cliff.  I’m afraid of heights… and death, so that wouldn’t work out in my favour.”

She heard Chloe laugh heartily and it made Beca smile. It felt good to make her legitimately happy, if only for a moment, she does sound like a really genuinely nice person after all.

“Well I think that was an excellent answer, thank you Beca.”

“BM sounds like she’s mopping the floor with these fools already,” Amy snorts.

Chloe then asks Beca her second question, “So Beca, how would your best friends describe you?”

“Fat Amy, do you want to take this question for me?” Beca says amusedly.

“Shawshank is the best friend ever, especially when she goes to jail on my behalf-“

“ANNNND that’s enough from Amy,” Beca coughs nervously.  
“Umm… there’s a story behind that statement but I think my friends would say that I’m loyal – hence the jail experience – and maybe focused and honest?  I mean, I’ve never really asked them but maybe they might also say I need a smaller penis.”

Chloe bursts out with laughter (Beca can only imagine what that looks like but it puts a smile on her face).  Fat Amy giggles along with her and says, “Definitely BM, you’re too cocky for your own good.”

“Well I’m thankful for the candor Beca.  That was definitely my favourite answer so far.  Maybe you and Tom can go to the same plastic surgeon for that,” Chloe manages through her cute giggling.

“Great idea Beale, maybe we can get a two-for-one deal and then _I’ll_ be able to play basketball easier too,” Beca says with a roll of her eyes (Tom has definitely earned more than that but she’s happy that Chloe is receptive to her sarcasm at his expense).

“Smell that guys?  It’s a burn more extreme than the time I woke up naked sitting on a hot plate.  But now I think it’s time for Red over here to ask the final question for the first bloody time tonight,” announces Fat Amy.

Beca feels a lot less nervous now.  She hasn’t humiliated herself in front of this audience and what she suspects are cameras that are taping this based on Amy’s evasive maneuvering of the question earlier.

“Oh yes!  So Beca, the final question for tonight: is a family something that you want out of your next relationship or in your future at all?”

“Wow Chloe, that is a loaded question.  Honestly I’ve never been against kids but I haven’t thought about it too much.  I think I’d love to have them one day with the right women but I’ve never envisioned myself being pregnant.  I don’t think that is for me,” Beca spouts out more personal information in that answer than she normally would allow.  It doesn’t feel wrong though, she’s trying to forget that there is an audience and a douchebag and an idiot present.  Pretending it’s just her and Chloe in the room definitely helps – she’s really starting to get curious about what she looks like too – not that it’ll matter, this won’t be the “movie” ending that Jesse is always going on about.  She’s a realist and she doesn’t believe in fairytale happy endings, she’s seen real relationships and how they end, like her parents.

“Ok I’ve changed my mind, _that_ is now my favourite answer of the night Beca,” Chloe sweetly states. 

“Well that ended heaps better than it started I’d say twiggy.  You’ve learned some personal – in some cases **_too_** personal – details about each of these hot messes.  Normally this part would also include them asking you 1 question but since we’ve already risked potentially seeing more of Tom than we’re allowed to show on TV, we are gonna hop like a kangaroo on steriods right on past that.  Now it’s time for a smash break,” Fat Amy concludes the question time segment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I finally finished another chapter. I could make excuses but really I have an adult job and it sucks.  
> Again - probably shit - but I feel like you'll either read it or you won't soooooo....  
> Lots of mistakes I'm sure so enjoy that :)
> 
> Also thank you for all the positive stuff!
> 
> I wasn't planning on adding songs because i normally hate that but then I thought... this is from Pitch Perfect which is about singing so it really should be in there at some point.
> 
> Anyway, release the crapfest!
> 
> Songs used:  
> Shaggy - It wasn't me  
> Bruno Mars - Marry You  
> David Guetta feat Sia - Titanium

To Beca’s annoyance they don’t actually get a break-break.  They still have to sit in their dark corner space and wait for the go ahead to move to the next area.  Sitting in her dark corner, she starts to wonder whether maybe it would just be worth it to leave and have Amy release the video… how embarrassing could that be?  Surely the video isn’t that clear – you probably can’t even tell it’s her. 

She calls Fat Amy over so that she can ask how long she has to stay here but she didn’t really get an answer.  It was more of a “Fat Amy standard change the topic to avoid the question” kind of response.  Something that the brunette is extremely used to by now.

“How much longer Ames?  I’m starting to develop an STD just by being in seeing distance of that one that is VD in human form,” Beca huffs.

“Oh come on Beca, you can’t tell me you don’t enjoy getting all this material for your show!  You can totally brag about creaming these losers,” Amy reasons with the short brunette.

“You have got to be shitting me!  I’m taking this experience to my grave.  I may have to change my name and move to Florida and retire early with the old people.  Besides, have you been listening to these fools?  ‘Winning’ against them is not exactly something to brag about.  It just means I’m not an arrogant cock or as dumb as a door knob.”  Beca was really itching to leave, she doesn’t know how she gets put in these situations.  She needs to learn to be more assertive.

_‘Hmm I could be more assertive… OR I could find better friends!  Yeah that sounds better… maybe even NO friends.  Note to self to look into surgical removal of weirdos later.  Hopefully no scarring and minimal effort required.  Also don’t ever think the words “note to self” again or you do not deserve your fucking pizza after this.’_

“You say that now, but you haven’t even seen the firecracker yet.  She’s right up your fanny,” Amy nudges Beca’s shoulder and throws her an exaggerated wink.

“Annnnnnnnnnd I’m outta here.”  Beca turns around and attempts to leave.  The blonde grabs her arm loosely and spins her around. 

“Becaaaaaaaaa,” Fat Amy whines as she looks at the brunette.  She know that Beca won’t actually leave, she’s too much of a sucker for her friends regardless of what she likes to think.  She might be tough and spikey on the outside, but she is gooey and sweet on the inside – if you stick around long enough to see it.  Definitely like a pineapple in Amy’s eyes – something that should ALWAYS be on a pizza despite what Beca vehemently argues whenever they have to order it for their netflizza nights – which is also a name Beca has shunned.  (“But that doesn’t make sense Ames!  Why not just call it pizza and Netflix night, you aren’t saving that much time by shortening it if you have to explain it to people!”).

“Amy you just said that she would be right up my butt.  What exactly do you think I’m into?!” Beca throws her hands up with the end of that statement to say ‘What the fuck’.

“What are you talking about short-stuff.  I said she’d be right up your fanny,” replies the robust host.

“Fanny means butt – that’s exactly my point.”

“Uhhhh I don’t know what planet you’re living on BM but fanny means vagina.  You know, the lips you kiss but not in public… well, not unless you’re ok with it going viral.  And I’m pretty sure you’d love for this sheila to give your gash a nice long pash,” Amy adds with a nudge (more like a strong elbow) to her ribs (that’s totally going to bruise, Beca knows it) and some tongue action that will without a doubt cause nightmares and scarring on the brunette’s psyche. 

“You are painting a picture I never want to see.  I really hope you’ve never taken art classes because I would totally feel for your teachers,” Beca states with disgust.  She looks like she’s eaten something sour with how scrunched her nose is.

“You say that now but I’m quite the artist.  Just look at the camera work on that video I snapped of you,” she says with a grin as she pulls out her phone and loads the video for best friend.  The video plays and a horrified expression takes its place on Beca’s face as she realises just _how_ clear it is that it is her pasty white ass (amongst other things) plastered on the screen of her blackmailers phone.  There is no fucking way she can leave this place.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

After a little while they are shuffled along to one of the other stages covered by a curtain.  Behind the curtain is a microphone and some speakers, along with tables and chairs similar to a karaoke bar scene.  Already Beca can tell that she is going to hate this more than the question time – there’s no darkness this time, so people will **_see_** her and this is why she needs to formulate her new life as “Bianca Matthews” (or something just as generic) and shave one side of her head.  They are whisked away to go behind the microphone area and are given a book of songs to look through, with the only instruction being: ‘pick one that you know that shows your personality’. 

This is definitely her area.  Music is like life for Beca (or blood) – it runs through her veins, gives her purpose.  She is happiest when she is blending beats, cutting tracks and listening to a pounding bass that is sure to destroy her hearing before she’s 30.  She’s quick to grab the book and pick her song – it wasn’t hard, the list wasn’t exactly the most extensive or up to date. 

Tom walks over to her and she goes to pass him the book, this is the first time she has been in the situation where the conceited ass has a chance to talk to her and she is already rolling her eyes internally… actually judging by Chicago’s face behind Tom, she may have rolled her eyes for real. 

_‘Oh crap.  He’s looking at me.  Tom Mc-Assface is going to say something.  If I have to talk to him I might throw up… or punch him in the nose.  Actually, maybe that’s a good idea…  Then I go home instead.  Wait no, I don’t want Jesse to have to come bail me out.  Dammit!  Amy owes me big time for all of this.’_

“So Becky is it?” Tom starts, a smirk that’s probably permanent covering his face, “You’re pretty short aren’t you.”

“Uhh actually it’s Bec-a not Becky, Tim, and that’s a startling observation you’ve made.  You must work for Mensa,” Beca retorts.

Tom scoffs, “No it’s Tom, not Tim and I work for a stockbroking company.  I have a huuuuuge… portfolio.”  He gives her an up-down glance and she can’t tell if he is actually hitting on her or if he is trying to peacock himself.  Either way, she was done with this conversation before it started.

“Wow, I’m impressed.  I hope never to see it,” Beca states with fake enthusiasm, turns around and walks away, leaving Tom stunned by the blatant disregard for any of his – well she doesn’t think there is a word that’s exists to describe whatever the hell he was trying to do.

She walks over to Fat Amy who is standing nearby.  “Ames you have to keep that pig away from me, I might end up shoving my boot up his ass and leaving it there,” Beca says while making a fist with her left hand.

“Woah little one, calm down, you can’t go around giving people that perfect posture, you aren’t a psycho-therapist.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing.”

“Sssshhhh little one.  Save your voice for this segment,” Amy says as she attempts to put her pointer finger to Beca’s lips in a shushing motion (only to **_of course_** be met with a quick slap from Beca).  “Now get over to the panty dropper holding the clipboard, we are about to do the next section.”

Beca grunts and walks away to the area behind the stage and microphone.  She can hear people being ushered around in front of it – she can only assume that they are sitting in the seats for the fake bar.  Chicago taps his feet nervously on the ground near her and she doesn’t even bother looking around at Tom-ass (there is every possibility he will have his pants unzipped and a pile of money sticking out of his fly) – it’s safer not to look.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Fat Amy gets on stage and announces, “Heeey sexy pitches, it’s time for the second part of our show and time for our contestants try to woo this boo with Karaoke Seduction.  This will be the first chance our desperately dateless Chloe will have to see the hot messes that were carefully selected by my pussy cat sitting on their headshots and leaving a surprise.  I’ve filled this fake bar with soulless ginger babes so that our disasters back stage won’t know which one she is.  First up is the ever… uh… _present_ Tom!  He’s going to be singing a song about cheating apparently.”

Apparently Chloe is in the fake bar audience this time and Beca and Chicago can only watch Tom’s performance from a TV screen in the back area behind that stage.  Beca is grateful that she doesn’t have to go first.  Knowing that Chloe will be able to see her this time though, worries the shit out of her.  She is totally going to embarrass herself.

Tom walks out on stage and a spotlight shines on him.  The music starts and she recognises the song instantly.  This is literally a face-palm moment.  She has no idea why she is surprised though – this is exactly what should have been expected from Mr ‘My penis is too big and I’ll buy you breakfast after our first date’.

 ** _Honey came in and she caught me red-handed_**  
_**Creeping with the girl next door**_  
 _ **Picture this we were both butt naked**_  
 _ **Banging on the bathroom floor**_  
 _ **How could I forget that I had**_  
 _ **Given her an extra key**_  
 _ **All this time she was standing there**_  
 _ **She never took her eyes off me**_

Tom starts gyrating on stage and takes his suit jacket off and throws it into the audience.  He’s pointing and winking at each of the women he sees in the karaoke audience as he goes.

_**How you can grant your woman access to your villa** _   
_**Trespasser and a witness while you cling to your pillow** _   
_**You better watch your back before she turn into a killer** _   
_**Let's review the situation that you're caught up inna** _   
_**To be a true player you have to know how to play** _   
_**If she say a night, convince her say a day** _   
_**Never admit to a word when she say** _   
_**And if she claims ah you tell her baby no way** _

_**But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)** _   
_**Saw me bangin' on the sofa (It wasn't me)** _   
_**I even had her in the shower (It wasn't me)** _   
_**She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)** _

_**She saw the marks on my shoulder (It wasn't me)** _   
_**Heard the words that I told her (It wasn't me)** _   
_**Heard the screams get louder (It wasn't me)** _   
_**She stayed until it was over** _

As he’s singing further into the song, he walks off the karaoke stage and up to red-headed ladies filling the bar.  He thrusts in their faces and starts unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Ok-aaaaay this is starting to remind me of Magic Mike 2 because nobody asked for it and we are certainly questioning what we did to deserve this,” Fat Amy says into her mic. 

Beca sniggers at that comment – she was definitely thinking something similar but probably not allowed to be said on TV.  She doesn’t know what he is thinking though – how is this POSSIBLY supposed to impress or seduce someone who sounds as sweet as Chloe – especially when he seems to be trying to get into the pants of every woman in this fake bar!

_‘Well that’s a dangerous line of thinking there Mitchell.  Focus on not vomiting all over this floor from the sickening sight of Tom’s obnoxious dancing and not thinking about someone you haven’t actually met yet.’_

As she focuses back on the TV again she sees Tom grab his crotch and bile rises in her throat.  He takes his shirt off and starts flossing with it between his legs.  The music cuts off abruptly and Fat Amy walks up to the stage.

“Alrighty folks, pretty sure we’ve all witnessed enough now.  We will be passing bleach around the audience for you all to wash out your eyes – I’m sure it will feel better than watching… whatever that was, anymore.”

Tom is taken backstage again and the TV screen that Beca and Chicago were watching cuts the feed and goes black.  Beca hears the blonde host ask Chloe what she thought of that performance and whether she was as moist as a kangaroo pouch.

“Oh… it was definitely something.  I don’t think I’ll be able to forget it, despite how much I might want to,” Chloe responds.  Beca can’t help but vehemently agree with that statement and it reinforces her idea that this woman clearly deserves better.

“The exotic arts aren’t for everyone – especially Tom it appears.  So let’s get ready for our next performer and hope that Chicago brings us away from the Amityville Horror territory we crossed over to.  His song is Bruno Mars – Marry You.”

The brunette watches Chicago breathe out slowly and follow the clipboard guy’s instructions to get out onto the stage.  He gets in front of the microphone and then nervously starts singing along.

_**It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do** _   
_**Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you** _   
_**Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice** _   
_**Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you** _

_‘Wooooooow.  He really can’t sing.  This sound is almost as haunting as listening to Amy go at it like a gorilla… Almost’_

Chicago starts swaying stiffly from side to side.  He doesn’t know how to dance at all by the looks of it.  The silver lining in this for Beca is that she **cannot** possibly be more awkward or uncomfortable on the stage than he is right now.  So as long as she doesn’t attempt to fuck the red-headed ladies while singing, she should be fine.

_**Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard** _   
_**We can go** _   
_**No one will know** _   
_**Oh c'mon girl** _

_**Who cares if we're trashed** _   
_**Got a pocket full of cash we can blow** _   
_**Shots of Patron** _   
_**And it's on girl** _

The music cuts off again – earlier than Tom’s turn – and Chicago looks a little pleased.

“Oh awesome!  I finished faster than Tom!” Chicago states chuffed.  He clearly thinks it’s a race.

“Ok soldier, back to your base camp behind the stage – nice guys clearly finish first in this case and I’m worried the early finishes don’t stop at his singing – if you catch my drift,” Fat Amy winks at the screen.  The TV goes black again in the backstage area and Chicago walks back again to where Beca is, smiling widely. 

“Chloe – you might seriously be catching my drift, very sorry for crop-dusting you right now.  Now that we all know what a cat in heat getting strangled sounds like, we might move on to the next hot mess.  But first – Chloe, did Chicago get your wombat’s racing?” The blonde questions Chloe.

“Um… well, it was a slightly more pleasant performance than the first go.  I’ll say that I have got a better feeling about the last one though,” the apparent red-head answers.

Now that really caught Beca’s attention.  Her head shot up at break-neck speed.  Now she has a lot more to be nervous about – Chloe is actually expecting her to do well!  (Or at least better than Dumb and Dumber). 

“Aww yeah, well on that note, let’s bring out my bestie from some other testes!  Beca is going to be singing “Titanium” by David Guetta.”

Beca starts feeling the panic and then she feels a giant shove from behind to get her out onto the stage.  Looking back, it was that damn clipboard guy again – what the fuck is his problem – he loves pushing her out onto the stage.  (Again, she totally wasn’t going to run… perhaps go to the bathroom and drown herself in a toilet bowl, but definitely not run).

_‘Pull yourself together Mitchell – you host a radio show and have to speak in front of thousands of people every day – this is no different!  Except for the embarrassment of looking like an idiot… in front of an audience – oh god you should’ve just let Amy release the video.’_

The short brunette walks up to the microphone and looks out at the sea of red before her – there’s about 20 females before her.  It’s unlikely that Chloe will be at the front.  She feels the spotlight on her and her panic levelling out. 

_‘Just don’t crap yourself.  You got this.  You know you’ve got pipes.’_

She hears the intro to the song start and waits for her cue. 

_**You shout it out** _   
_**But I can't hear a word you say** _   
_**I'm talking loud not saying much** _   
_**I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet** _   
_**You shoot me down, but I get up** _

Starting off softly but gaining confidence as she hears people quietly murmuring about her impressive voice.  She takes the microphone out of the stand and puts more power into her singing.

_**I'm bulletproof nothing to lose** _   
_**Fire away, fire away** _   
_**Ricochet, you take your aim** _   
_**Fire away, fire away** _   
_**You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium** _   
_**You shoot me down but I won't fall** _   
_**I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium, I am titanium** _

_**Cut me down** _   
_**But it's you who has further to fall** _   
_**Ghost town, haunted love** _   
_**Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones** _   
_**I'm talking loud not saying much** _

Trying not to search through the crowd as she sings, just focusing on the words and what the song is about – empowerment, being strong.  She thinks at least this song says good things about her taste in music and probably better things about her personality than Tom’s cheating song or Chicago’s song about being dumb and drunk (and getting married for all the wrong reasons).

_**I'm bulletproof nothing to lose** _   
_**Fire away, fire away** _   
_**Ricochet, you take your aim** _   
_**Fire away, fire away** _   
_**You shoot me down but I won't fall** _   
_**I am titanium** _   
_**You shoot me down but I won't fall** _   
_**I am titanium, I am titanium** _

Beca’s eyes finally look through the crowd – she’s not dancing really, just feeling the song – and she happens to see the bluest, most beautiful eyes she’s ever seen.  Maybe this is a performance high.  Maybe she’s fainted on stage.  Maybe, just maybe, she’s dead.  There is no way that a person with eyes (and a face) like that exists in real life.

The owner of said angelic face is staring right back at her, completely enamoured.  It’s possible that this is _Chloe_ , but it’s also just as easily possible that Beca is hallucinating under the bright lights and has been drugged again by her large and in charge roommate.  She doubts that it is Chloe (because what are the chances of her just happening to find the right woman in this audience), but then again, the red-head is paying such close attention to her.  It’s almost like she can’t look away if she tried.

**_Stone-hard, machine gun_ **   
**_Firing at the ones who run_ **   
**_Stone-hard, thus bulletproof glass_ **

**_You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium_ **   
**_You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium_ **   
**_You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium_ **   
**_You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium_ **   
**_I am titanium_ **

Finishing strong after a powerful performance feels good.  How she managed to actually continue and _not_ fall off the stage after spotting the jaw-dropping woman in the back, is a miracle.  Beca is breathing heavy and the audience applause is deafening. 

“Woooooo BM!  I can feel it in the air – the very moist air – that you have dropped alllll of these ladies panties right here.  Go backstage and show the other 2 just how cocky you are,” Amy shouts to her.

She smiles back, relieved that her turn is over and she hasn’t utterly destroyed her life by fucking that up.  Beca looks back towards the blue-eyed dream and finds her still awe-struck.  She manages a small smile at her and turns to go back stage.

Once behind the wall again she hears Fat Amy ask Chloe what she thought about the performance.

“I uh… I think that the best was saved for last.  That was so genuinely heart-stoppingly beautiful.  I will **_never_** be able to forget that performance, and I never want to,” Chloe responds – sounding like she is in a trance.

“Well Chloe might be down for the count after that one.  We will have another break now and come back with our last round in which our hot messes are in for some crappy surprises!  One of them will definitely be getting the flick and by the end we will see who our resident ginger has chosen to date!”

The short brunette leans against a wall and slowly exhales.  It’s kinda awesome to hear that Chloe enjoyed the song.  She guesses that so far this night **hasn’t** been as bad as it could’ve been.  If she lives through it (it IS Amy after all) she might even thank her roommate for blackmailing her (after she kills her of course).


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More shenanigans, less sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I just finished this and it's the worst etc.
> 
> Either enjoy or don't I guess. I have to return to work tomorrow after a holiday so I am BUMMED.
> 
> I haven't realllllly proofed it or seen if it makes sense so abuse away please.

Instead of waiting around this time, they were told that because the next 2 segments required some setting up, they were moved to a dressing room of sorts.  Beca guesses it’s so they don’t try and interact with Chloe or the other decoy red-heads (also probably to save themselves the harassment lawsuit if they allow Tom within a 10ft radius of anything with a vagina except Beca – because Beca can clearly handle herself). 

She drops onto a couch in the smallish room and has her legs up, spreading herself along the entire length of it - which is a big stretch for her tiny frame.  Trying to relax after the stress of the night so far, she breathes deeply and closes her eyes.  She hasn’t checked her phone in a while so she figures pulling it out to kill some time is a good idea, after all she probably has really important work emails (candy crush) and it’s a really good way to show disinterest in any conversations that might come her way (bonus!).

Before getting lost in the vortex of candy drama, she checks her emails first.  Nothing but cat memes and chain emails which state that if she doesn’t forward to 10 people in the next 5 mins, she will die tonight.  Beca **_always_** forwards those to Jesse because he doesn’t want to chance it, then he gets mad at her for sending it – the trick is to change the subject of the email to something work related or important, he falls for it **_every_** time. 

Deciding that there is nothing else worth looking at in her emails she switches to Facebook.  It’s actually not something that she checks very often but hey, she’s got nothing but time right now. 

_‘Would it be considered cheating if I check to see if Chloe has a FB profile?  Nahhh who cares.  They should’ve taken my phone off me if they didn’t want me looking.’_

She doesn’t know how to spell her last name though… this is a problem.  She tries looking for “Chloe Beel”, “Chloe Beal”, “Chloe Biel” and “Chloe Beyal” but she comes up with nothing.  Seriously, how hard could her last name be?!  Giving up on that because it’s a lost cause right now, Beca brings up her texts.

**Stacie: Jesse told me you are on a dating show and you didn’t tell me?!  I’m hurt </3**

**Stacie: To make it up to me I expect explicit details from any and all bumper car related activities after ;)**

In true Beca fashion, she opts to ignore those texts from Stacie and the colourful (crass) description of scissoring she has referenced within.  Deciding to look at Jesse’s instead (and probably ignore those as well).

**Jesse: So no call 2 bail u out yet**

**Jesse: Must b going ok**

**Jesse: Wat have u had 2 do?**

**Jesse: WAIT – I decided I don’t want any spoilers!**

**Jesse: I’ll wait until FA gives me the show to watch**

**Jesse: Or until it airs**

**Jesse: U no, on TV :) :O ;)**

**Jesse: Is this you: >:|**

**Jesse: That emoji HAS 2 b based on u**

**Jesse: It looks lyk a grumpy Becaw!!!!**

**Jesse: NEW TINDER PROFILE PIC 4 U**

Clearly he must be bored – but he stopped sending texts over an hour ago, so he’s probably balls deep in Star Wars or something by now.  The brunette feels like the only response necessary is –

**Beca: Stop spamming me with multiple messages, just type 1.  I’ll fill you in later, but holy shit one of the dudes here is an unbelievable jackass.  And stop setting up tinder profiles for me!  You have the weirdest taste in women.**

In the background Tom can be heard attempting to “bro down” with Chicago and it sounds less than appealing.  Candy Crush it is.  She plays for 10 mins before she gets a Facebook banner pop up at the top of her screen.  Normally she would ignore it but she swears that it said “ ** _Chloe Beale has sent you a friend request_** ”.  It’s highly likely that she has blacked out from an aneurysm or a stroke, but just in case she **_has_** read it correctly, she jumps back into the app.

After realizing that she was just staring at her phone with a slack jaw looking at the notification (which she totally read right), she clicks on Chloe’s profile and has a look.  Her profile picture is the first thing that stands out.  It basically floors Beca – it **_WAS_** the woman with the blue eyes during her song!  In the picture, Chloe is in her vet scrubs and is posing with a very large snake (which is insane) – but she looks so happy and it’s just more evidence to show that the red-head is definitely the epitome of sunshine.

_‘Ughhhhhh Mitchell, that’s the most cliché thought you’ve ever had.  You clearly have been spending too much time around that dork Jesse.  Make sure you punch him in the arm when you see him next.’_

Beca rolls her eyes at herself and the unimaginative thoughts that are infiltrating her head.  She hovers her thumb over the accept button and presses it before she can overthink it.  Flicking over to her own profile she immediately regrets her own profile pic, which is a photo of her looking real grumpy after she’s just woken up and her bed hair is everywhere.  (This is most likely the work of Amy and god dammit why are her friends like this!!).

Before the brunette can look at Chloe’s profile any further – or wonder why she friended her on FB, the clipboard guy (Beca’s only designation for him other than ‘pain in her ass’) comes into the room and tells them they have to make their way to the new staging area.  

* * *

  
“Right folks let’s hoof it over to this next stage and give these dags something to moan about on FaceBitch,” Fat Amy announces to the audience.

There’s a loud applause that thunders through the studio and then the boisterous host continues, “Now let’s get the hot mess express out here.”  Beca grumbles and glares at the assistant (fondly nicknamed ‘Clipboard guy’) as they are all pushed back out onto the stage towards Amy (well, _she_ was pushed, Tom struts out and Chicago almost dances out – he’s so happy about potentially “winning” this game but Beca is pretty sure he has no idea what that actually means).

“They are gonna be spewin’ at this next part but to soften the blow, let’s finally bring them face to face with the spunky ginger that they might just be able to snag up at the end.”

Beca nearly drops to the floor when she hears that Chloe will be coming out but she has no time to panic.  Over to the left of the stage there is a flash of red that catches her eyes.  She sees the enormous smile stretch across the red-head’s face as she walks out towards them, waving hello as she gets closer and Beca feels her own mouth curve upwards at the sight.  The shorter woman knows that she must look ridiculous right now with her jaw so loose it’s dragging on the floor behind her but her gaze is so fixed on Chloe that she can’t bring herself to care (she’d probably be ok with Fat Amy showing that fucking raccoon video to the whole audience right now… well, maybe not that but something slightly less shameful).

“Chloe here has already seen you perform so she knows what your ugly mugs look like but for you guys, here is the beauty that you are trying to woo. And for this next segment, I’ve spoken to the show’s lawyers to confirm it’s not thievin’ from that Baggage show. Basically chumps, we have asked a person close to you to tell Chloe and this audience what the biggest skeleton is in your closet. You don’t get to know what they spill their guts about until they do it in front of us all.  Ginger here then gets to give one of you the boot!”  Amy looks really chuffed with this one, it’ll be the ultimate embarrassment for the 3 of them and probably get quite a few laughs.  Chloe just listens intently to the blonde’s long-winded explanation while standing next to her and across from the 3 contestants.

Beca is only half paying attention. She knows she should be extremely terrified or angry but she hasn’t quite heard much of what’s been said, just words here and there. Her actual attention is still on the (cringe) bombshell that Chloe is, she may never pay attention to anyone again.

Meanwhile said bombshell keeps finding Beca’s eyes and smiling at her which causes a mortifying blush to spread across her cheeks.

_‘Oh god Chloe is going to think I’m some kind of stalker freak if I don’t look away. Why can’t you be normal you weirdo!’_

Finally turning back to Amy so that she can piece together exactly what she should be ashamed and scared of this time, she notices Amy is introducing new people to the stage.

“So without further time wasting, here is Tom’s ex-girlfriend Tania, Chicago’s mum Georgia and Beca’s other bff and self-dubbed ‘lesbromeo’ Jesse!”

All 3 of them walk out dragging a large suitcase behind them and wave to the audience, Jesse has a smug grin and seeks out Beca’s face to give her a cheeky wink.  Now it’s clear why he stopped texting a while ago, he would’ve been on his way here. 

_‘Oh I’m gonna punch him so hard.  I have the suckiest friends and now I have to find some way to embarrass him at work.  Stacie’s a genius and has ginormous boobs – all of that should come in handy to get him back.  Plan DD to commence after this shit show.’_

The surprise guests stop and stand next to their ex, son and best friend.  Beca glares at Jesse and if she wasn’t wearing a mic, she’d have some choice words for him that would guarantee the show couldn’t be aired.  She can actually **_feel_** how thrilled Jesse is.  He has probably been jittery all afternoon waiting for this to happen.  (Of course he will say that it’s all in the name of true love and how he just wants ‘Becaw’ to be happy – goddamn him and his unselfish attitude to his friends).

Fat Amy starts the game off, “So esteemed ball-busters, you have been invited here today to give the 411 on these fools to gingy-locks and reveal something that she should know before picking them over the other 2 for the mystery date.  Tania – you seem less trashy than the type of tart we’d expect within groping distance of Tom!”

Beca has her first proper look at the other 2 women that were asked to be fellow humiliators (well… Tom deserves it but Chicago is just a big dummy).  Tania is a tall, late-twenties looking, black haired woman.  She’s wearing what can only be described as a painted on dress – it barely covers anything, which would explain why Tom keeps staring at her ass.  Georgia on the other hand looks like a 60 year old grandma.  She’s wearing a Hilary Clinton looking pantsuit and does **_not_** have a Tom staring at her ass.

“So Tarty Tania, please reveal what Tom’s biggest baggage is to us all,” continues the Australian.

Tania proceeds to open the suitcase and inside is written: **_Tom has an oddly shaped baby dick_**.

Nothing can be heard over the deafening roar of the laughter that ensues.  Beca has a smug grin on her face, Chloe looks like she is hiding small giggles behind a hand over her mouth, and Tom, well Tom turns to have a look at what’s written and goes purple.  His veins can be seen bulging out of his neck and forehead.  He slams the briefcase shut and attempts to yell over the audience’s joy.  No one can hear him but he tries and tries, pointing and shouting, saliva flying out of his mouth but it’s all in vain. 

Fat Amy manages to find her voice again, “That certainly sheds some light on Tom and his down under.  Do you want to add anything to that Tania?”

“I think it speaks volumes really.  He’s my ex for many reasons, this is a big one – which is ironic because it’s really small,” Tania states.

Fat Amy turns to Tom and says, “Got anything to clap back with there, Tom?”

Tom just calmly tries to pull himself together and says, “Why would you believe the word of an ex?  Chloe will find out that my wallet isn’t the only thing that’s thick.”  He finishes that statement with a wink to Chloe and a grab of his crotch.

Beca rolls her eyes with such vigour, she should probably fear them rolling right out of her head.  She catches Chloe’s eyes and sees that she looks almost frightened.  The red-head’s eyes are wide and her mouth is open, she doesn’t seem to know how to respond to these sorts of vulgar, narcissistic comments.  Beca knows that if that was directed at her, she would probably be escorted out of this building for shoving Tom’s head up his own ass (well… further up his own ass than it already is).  She raises her eyebrows in a ‘can you believe this moron’ statement and Chloe giggles.

The loud blonde host eventually turns to Chloe and asks, “Soooooo, that was probably more en-frightening rather than enlightening for you carrot top.  Anything to say back?”

Chloe just shakes her head, unwilling to continue a conversation (? If you could call it that!) with Tom any further.  Beca thinks it’s probably the smartest move with witnesses around (although she can’t imagine that any of them would be on Tom’s side).  She also gathers that confrontation might not be Chloe’s forte – she could be wrong though, she is a ginger after all and Beca would never even think about herself as someone who can read people.

Fat Amy decides to move onto the next piece of baggage and prompts for Georgia to open it, “Ok granny G, open the suitcase and show us Chicago’s package!”

Georgia fumbles with the suitcase locks and slowly lifts the lid to reveal the writing inside: **_Chicago gave his life savings to a “Nigerian Prince”._**

There’s no laughter this time.  Unlike Tom, Chicago isn’t irredeemable, he’s a nice guy but just a little… slow.  Chicago actually seems delighted with this information revealed about himself.

“Oh yeah!  He’s actually a cousin that I didn’t know I had.  He emailed me out of the blue one day and told me about the inheritance we are supposed to get.  He needed some money to pay for the fees of shipping the money here for me.  I should get my share whenever that arrives.”

Amy doesn’t really know how to tread lightly, both physically and verbally, (seriously she stormed into the radio station one day when Beca was on the air and proceeded to explain on air that she “accidentally” broke Beca’s electric toothbrush when trying to clean the bathroom when a rogue magpie swooped in the window.  Her first clue that it was a lie was that Amy said she was cleaning and the second was that she has never heard of what the hell a magpie is.  Anyway, she fears that her toothbrush was likely used for more nefarious or unsavoury purposes and it’s better that she NEVER finds out what they were.) so she cries out, “Whoomp… there it is!”

“So Georgia, would you like to explain what happened at all?”  Amy adds.

Chicago’s mum just sighs and says, “He’s too trusting.  He still believes it’s coming his way.  I don’t think there is much that dampens his spirit though.”

_‘Well that’s kinda sad.  He really isn’t overly bright but that’s a shitty thing to have happen – how doesn’t he realise that money is gone though!  Oh wait… what the hell is Jesse going to say about me?!  Ok Mitchell, prepare to go back to jail.’_

Beca looks at Chloe again to see her reaction to the Chicago story.  The blue-eyed woman looks sad, like she truly feels bad for Chicago.  This doesn’t surprise Beca really, from the little that she has heard from Chloe so far, it seems like she would be sensitive to the emotions of others – not to pity them, but genuinely feels their pain and try to help as much as possible. 

The brunette doesn’t realise that they have already wrapped up Chicago’s baggage until she hears her roommate booming over the mic again.  “So now we are at the last dirty secret from our hot messes and it’s time for Jesse to reveal something gruesome about our dear DJ over here.  Rip it off like a band aid Jes!”

Beca turns and glares at her best friend, colleague and soon to be (possible) murder victim if he embarrasses her on this show in front of everyone and possibly a large number of people if this is, in fact, being aired at some point.  She tries to convey with her expression just how careful he should be (but who is she kidding, he isn’t afraid of her at all!).

Jesse gives Beca a big grin and then looks over to Chloe, he then gives her a wink and opens the suitcase.  Inside it says: **_Beca went to jail for destruction of property and SHE HATES MOVIES!_**

_‘Ok… I can work with that.  The jail thing was already said earlier so cool, cool, cool, cool. The movie thing always gets me weird looks though – fuck.’_

“Yeah you are a reckless deviant BM,” Amy says with a laugh, “Jesse - wanna explain these to the nice ginger?”

“Oh sure!  So basically in college, I was a part of an acapella group and Beca – the ever faithful and trusty best friend – came to my competitions with me.  Fat Amy was a member of a different group on the same campus and we had just competed in a regionals competition.  There was this brawl that started when Beca gave a mean left hook to this dude who was harassing me and it ended up with a shattered window and her going to jail for 6 hours that night.” Jesse explained – leaving out a few details he hoped Beca would fill in.

“Woah buddy, that’s not the whole story!  I didn’t even break the window.”  Beca interjected before Jesse could continue.  “Yeah I punched that guy for harassing you but Amy was the one trying to shove a trophy up his ass!  It broke when I tried to get it off her and went through the window.  I was just the sucker left standing there while she ran.”

“You’re a great friend Southpaw Mitchell.  We all know jail wouldn’t survive me and my sexy fat ass, so it was for the best,” the blonde commented.

Beca just sighs with resignation, it’s probably true, and who knows what would’ve happened if they arrested Amy instead.  She hears a giggle and looks over at Chloe, who looks just _fucking_ radiant.  Her smile is wide and she is laughing at the interactions between the 3 friends.  It makes Beca’s mouth twitch and a small (unstoppable) smile grow on her face.

Jesse cuts back in with, “Jail isn’t the worst part though – her biggest baggage is that she hates movies!  I mean, who hates movies?!  It’s the same as hating puppies.”

Beca just shrugs and says, “I just think they are boring and predictable.  I’d rather spend time doing something more productive, like making music.”  It’s definitely true, music is her life after all.

Jesse turns to Chloe, leans over and attempts to whisper conspiratorially, “The munchkin over here reckons she guessed that Darth Vader was Luke’s father because she knows German.”

“Dude I can hear you!  Don’t call me munchkin and it’s true – Vader means father, his name was literally ‘Darth Father’.”  Beca has had this argument with her best friend so many times but he remains insistent.  To be honest over the years he has shown her some not-so-awful movies during his mandatory marathons – but she would never give him the satisfaction of letting him know.  Jesse looks back at Beca and wiggles his eyebrows at her while slyly attempting to nod to Chloe.  She knows that he approves, but let’s face it, this is a game show and Beca doesn’t expect anything out of this.  She just rolls her eyes but smiles at him (because she can’t help it – he is just a really awesome friend).

* * *

 

“Well now that red riding hood has heard all of the terrible things about our contestants, she needs to make a cut and get rid of one of those messes.”

Fat Amy brings everybody back to what they are supposed to be here for.  Surprisingly, she seems to be suited to this whole ‘hosting’ thing and for Beca that’s a good thing – she won’t be the only one paying rent now!

“Now, let’s see which bitch will get ditched.  Chloe get your scrawny butt over here and after all the unwanted confessions, tell us which one needs to be booted out of here.”

Chloe walks over to the blonde and faces the 3 contestants.  “Well, some of those confessions were eye opening.  But the person that I am sending home I just know that we won’t mesh well.  I totes think that our personalities would clash for many, many, _many_ reasons.  That person is Tom.”

A spotlight lights up over Tom and he looks utterly shocked.  His smug demeanour dropped the moment he heard his name.  He pulls his hands out of his pockets and his arms just sit there limply and awkward.

In true Fat Amy fashion, she calls over Tom and puts her arm around him before saying her final words to him, “So Tom – you are the big loser here tonight, how does it feel?”

He goes to answer but is cut off immediately, “Sorry we don’t have time for you to answer that, so hunky assistant, please come and dak this guy and then throw him out of the building!” 

Beca and everyone else just looks confused as to what the hell ‘dak’ means, but judging by what happens next they should have expected it.  The assistant walks out and pulls Tom’s pants down in front of everyone and there is a massive applause from the audience.  Beca starts laughing and Chloe tries to hide her giggles.  Fat Amy gives Tom a huge smack on his ass cheek and it sends him toppling forward.  The assistant picks him up and takes him backstage and away from the show.

The cameras are cut for this bit now and they appear to be moving over to the next stage.

Once it calms down, Beca remembers that it wasn’t her that was sent home.  Which makes room for a slight panic but Jesse just turns to her and seems to sense this.

“Hey Bec, I know you hate talking about this stuff but I really think this could be something for you.  Just enjoy this experience and be yourself.  I mean, Chloe has been giving you some serious eyes and I think you just need to give it a shot.”

Damn him and his ability to read her.  But fuck he’s a good friend.  She gives him a smile and nods slightly, then just to make it less serious she punches him in the arm.  “God you are a jerk for not telling me about any of this.”

He just grins back at her, “Well you can’t blame us, you would’ve left the country if you knew that we were planning on setting you up.  Plus Ames really did need someone – it just worked out in our favour.”

Beca looks over to Chloe and says, “Yeah, maybe it did.”  She’s so fucked.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last challenge for Chloe and we finally get to see who she picks! Surprise! It's TOM.
> 
> Kidding I would rather shit in the street than have that happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only taken me for-fucking-ever but I finally got my ass into gear and wrote something. Whether that something is good? It's not, don't get your hopes up.
> 
> I literally didn't re-read this, I just posted it, so there is probably mistakes galore.
> 
> Anyway y'all are a bunch of sweethearts and like normal, I appreciate a good yelling at if this has made you stupider by reading it. 
> 
> I've thought about doing 1 last chapter after this one and I have an idea for it but I don't know if you guys want it? So tell me.

“Now let’s get down to the serious stuff now that we got that meat bag outta here,” Fat Amy announces loudly into her microphone.

They’ve all moved to the last staged area and Beca was trying hard to pay attention to what was going on around her (she _really_ didn’t want to miss something and then make herself look like an idiot).  She really was trying to concentrate but her mind was still buzzing from the previous conversation she just had with Jesse.  He seems pretty sure that something could happen between Chloe and her but… that can’t be right.  She’s not sure if he’s actually _seen_ Chloe – because if he had then he wouldn’t be saying such ridiculous things.

Beca knows that she’s not terrible looking, she can definitely scrub up well but what could she offer Chloe, a qualified veterinarian who basically embodies everything good about this world, and the hottest woman that Beca has ever seen.  So much self-doubt plagued her mind (which wasn’t unusual when it came to people, she was confident as fuck when it came to her music), but then she turned and saw a small (almost shy) smile appear on the red-heads face, who was already looking at her and it made her feel lighter.  Beca couldn’t help but return the smile to Chloe.

She heard her roommate’s (and current torturer) voice booming again and it made her realise that she’d forgotten to listen... again.

_‘Fuck.  I need to go for a hearing test after this.  Wait… This is totally not my fault, it’s Chloe’s and her stupidly beautiful face.  God I wish I could stop staring before she thinks I’m a weirdo.’_

“Ok now that we know the rules of the next shit-uation, Chicago and Chloe – take your places over there by that curtain for the reveal of your ‘mystery date’,” the blonde host booms into the microphone.  “Shortstack, you come over here with me and we can gawk at the awkwardness.”

Beca’s head shoots up as she hears her name (the first thing she’s heard in a while since her little one-sided staring contest), she walks over to her roommate and spares a passing glance over at Chicago offering his hand to Chloe.  It doesn’t sit well with her, feeling the slight wave of jealousy wash over her.  He wasn’t the brightest but he did seem kind of sweet and he was taller and muscular – 2 things Beca was not.  She definitely feels insecure for a moment.

Watching the pair walk over to the curtain and wait for it to lift is hard enough, she can’t imagine actually having to have a ‘first date’ with someone _in front of an audience!_   Especially if you don’t even get to pick where you go or what you do!  She’s just glad that she gets to go second, it gives her a chance to prepare for whatever Amy has in store for them.

_‘Maybe I can go pull the fire alarm and end this before I get humiliated.’_

The lights in the place dim and the curtains part and reveal a small restaurant has been built onto the stage.  There’s a bunch of small tables with other ‘couples’ already seated and talking amongst themselves.  Classically romantic, slow paced music is playing from the speakers in the restaurant and a waiter presents themselves before the pair (Beca **refuses** to label them a couple lest her not-jealousy boil over and cause some serious embarrassment for her).

Beca watches as Chicago and Chloe (eugh even their names start with the same letter which isn’t helped by the images flashing in her mind of a perfect wedding with signs for “C & C” everywhere – she shakes her head to etch-a-sketch those away) are led by the waiter to the table in the middle.  It has candles and wine being poured into their glasses – the picture being burned into Beca’s eyes now is not pleasant, watching an aesthetically perfect couple having dinner when she kinda-maybe-definitely likes one of them.  It’s like watching every parent with “traditional” values dreams come true.

The red-head, being ever polite, starts off the conversation between them while they search through the menus.  “So Chicago, this is a little weird but so far what I know about you is that you are 32 and in the army.  What’s that like?”

The brunette man’s eyes light up before he answers, “Oh being 32 is great!  I’m the oldest in my unit and they all look up to me, although that’s probably because I’m taller than them all.”

Fat Amy leans over to Beca and whispers, “This chump is hot as balls but dumb as a log.  I hope you enjoy mopping the floor with him Shawshank.”

Beca turns and looks at her with furrowed eyebrows, “Uhh he is literally what most women look for in a boyfriend.  He’s pretty and tall and muscular and I’m no taller than a middle-schooler and look like a grumpy racoon.”

The blonde laughs a little too loudly and a few people look over at her instead of the awkward ‘date’ happening in front of them.  “BM you cannot seriously believe that he has any chance with this woman.  She’s been shooting love hearts out of those big blue peepers at you since she first heard your voice.”

The short brunette snorts with derision, “Ha very funny.  I think you might be confusing the fact that she’s a _nice_ person with flirting or something.”

Her roommate just looks at her incredulously, probably thinking that she is a lost cause.  They both go back to watching this disaster in the making (seriously, no first date could **_ever_** be intimate or amazing if there is a couple hundred people witnessing it).  It looks just as uncomfortable as when she last looked away.

Chloe is sitting in her seat across from Chicago looking around the room and sipping a wine, almost like she is trying to find a topic of conversation for them.  They get brought some bread sticks and there’s a sigh of relief from the red-head, grateful for the interruption. 

Chicago takes the opportunity to speak up, “So Chloe, I bet being a vet is nice.  When did you serve?  You are pretty young to be a vet”

Chloe stares up at him in confusion.  Beca can’t help but actually put her palm to her face.  The lingering silence prompts him to continue on, “Like when did you serve in the military?”

The red-head breathes out an awkward laugh, “Oh umm… I’m not a veteran.  I’m a veterinarian.  I work with animals, like pets and other animals.”

_‘Oh my god – I should pull the fire alarm to save HER!  Forget about my embarrassment, Chloe definitely deserves better than this.’_

Before anything more can be said, one of the waiters walks past with a tray of drinks and spills them over the both of them.  The table and their clothes getting soaking wet.  Chloe partially squeaks at the sudden cold intrusion and her ‘date’ jumps to his feet and attempts to grab the tray to help stop the drinks from spilling only to accidentally head-butt the waiter.  The tray of drinks goes crashing to the ground and the glasses smash everywhere, the waiter goes down with it, seemingly unconscious.

There’s a loud gasp from the audience and Chicago drops to the ground to help lift up the guy but knocks the whole table over on his way up.  Chloe’s hands are up at her face, in shock and not knowing what to do in the face of this utter catastrophe.

Beca turns to Fat Amy and nearly shouts, “What the hell was that??  Is that supposed to be part of the date?!”

The blonde is laughing so hard she can barely wheeze out any words, “Oh… so stupid… best date… so glad he was in the finals.”

The brunette turns back to look at Chloe briefly and feels helpless.  She wants to run out there and help but this is clearly part of the design for this last segment – she’s not entirely sure if Chloe knows that though.  The lights come back on again and Fat Amy pulls herself together and walks out onto the stage again with a towel for Chloe and one for Chicago.

“Well my favourite ranga that was certainly an eye-opening first date!  We’ve learned that in a crisis, Chicago is a hilarious helper.  How’d that go for you?”

Wiping herself down as she responds, “Oh, well… I umm…  I’d rather just see how the next one goes with Beca before saying anything.”

The brunette hears her name and her heart starts pounding in her ears, thumping so loudly she can barely hear herself think. She’s panicking and she knows that she shouldn’t be.  All she has to do is not fuck up as royally as Chicago did and it will be fine, she’s a normal person, she can totally make normal conversation if she wants to.  Plus as long as she doesn’t jump around like a fool and knock everything over she should be _fiiiiiiine._

Chicago gets led off the stage to stand where Beca has been and she gets pushed onto it (fucking clipboard guy!).  Amy is still talking to the audience about how they have their own fake date now and that Chloe will have to choose one of them to have a real date with (one by themselves and without cameras!) after the show.

Beca walks over to the stage slowly, as if approaching death, eyes wider than she thought humanly possible.

_‘Listen to Dory’s advice from that movie Jesse made you watch – just keep walking, just keep walking, walking, walking, what do we do – we walk, walk, waaaalk!  Dayum that’s catchy as fuck’_

When she arrives in front of Amy and Chloe, she looks up and gives the red-head a shy smile.  Chloe shivers because of the cold drinks that are still soaking her clothes so before they can get started, Beca takes her flannel off and puts it around her ‘date’s’ shoulders.  Chloe gives her a thankful smile and there is a blush making itself known on both of their faces while the audience gives a loud “Awwwwww”. Beca cringes so hard – she totally forgot that they were there again.

Deciding to be bold Beca offers Chloe her hand, like Chicago did, and the red-head takes it gently but firmly.  It’s the first time they’ve actually been that close to each other and the warm sensation Beca feels when their hands clasp together travels right down to the tips of her toes as a tingle shoots its way down her spine.  Never really being one for ‘holding hands’ in previous relationships it’s weird for Beca to feel a sense of calmness wash over her because of Chloe, in fact she almost feels as if nothing can go wrong during the next few minutes (which is probably a very bad sign).

“Shawshank you are one smooth criminal,” Fat Amy states followed with a crude gesture using her tongue.  “But now it’s time for the last date and Chloe can make her decision of who she wants more – Captain Hardbody or DJ Shortstack here.  Let’s get this over with!”

The lights dim again and they head over to the other set of curtains which part for them and reveal a very similar looking restaurant setup – couples already dining and candles everywhere.  The ambience is supposed to be that of a romantic first date and it seems to succeed… if you can ignore all the people watching and the fact that it’s a fake restaurant.  They look at each other and Beca shrugs her shoulders at Chloe, trying to convey in a cool demeanour a “well may as well!” kind of vibe, which makes the red-head responds with a quick squeeze to her hand.

The waiter comes out and leads them to the table in the middle and pours them a glass of wine each.  The brunette is tempted to just slam that glass back and get rid of her nerves but that will probably give Chloe the impression that she’s an alcoholic (and despite what she may think of this whole thing – she really does like this woman).  Instead she takes her glass in hand and sips the wine – normally she is a beer or spirits type but this will have to do.

“Soooo Chloe, this is clearly the most desirable first date I could’ve taken you on,” Beca jests.

The red-head chuckles and throws a wink at the brunette, “Oh definitely, one for the memory books for sure.”

Beca smiles at the sound of laughter coming from the red-head, after the night she has had it’s probably needed.  “Well we already know the basics about each other,” she points to her own chest, “27, radio host and DJ,” then she points to Chloe and says, “30, veterinarian not veteran and loves to sing.”

Chloe nods along and adds, “You forgot that you also went to jail for a friend, you’re funny and sarcastic and incredibly sexy.” 

Beca nearly chokes and takes another sip of wine before she manages, “Right… sorry, I guess I also forgot that you are the kindest, most positive and pardon my French here, but holy fuck your eyes are so blue and your hair is… soooo red and I’m really bad at complimenting but I think you get that I’m trying to say you are unbelievably attractive.”  When she finishes rambling her cheeks are pink and she tries not to look directly at Chloe, half expecting her to throw her wine in her face or just walk off.  When she finally does look back at her, the red-head is smirking.

“You are so cute Beca.”

The brunette flushes even more, “Well now that I’m sufficiently embarrassed, I thought it might be fair for me to ask you the questions you asked me earlier so I can hear what your answers would be?”

The red-head suddenly claps her hands together excitedly and her eyes go wide with anticipation, “Oh yes!  That’s a good idea, lay it on me Mitchell.”

Beca clears her throat and pretends to imitate Chloe’s voice, “Ok so, my first question is: in relationships, do you like to plan the dates, be spontaneous or have the dates planned for you?”

They both start laughing and the vet gently slaps the brunette’s arm, “I don’t sound like a California girl!  Buuuuut to answer your so very well thought out question – as you can tell I can be a _very_ excitable person so I definitely love a good surprise date!  That is definitely my favourite kind of date.  However I also love putting in effort and showing what I know about the person I’m dating by planning something special for them.”

The DJ nods along with interest, “Good answer, good answer.  You are definitely not struggling as much as I did.  How would your best friends describe you?  And you cannot use my amazingly coherent description of you from earlier”

Chloe smiles, she likes that Beca pokes fun at her rambling, “Well my bff Aubrey would probably call me passionate, forward and someone who has no idea what boundaries are, though there **is** a story behind that.”

Beca straightens (her back, she is still super gay) and prompts the red-head to continue, “Oh do go on, I feel I need to hear this after some of my embarrassing revelations tonight.”

The vet takes another sip of wine and her eyes sparkle over the rim of the glass when she looks directly at Beca while sipping the liquid.  She clears her throat before starting, “Oh well in College I happened to be in an acapella group and we needed new members, so one day I was in the shower and I heard someone singing and kind of joined that person to get them to join my group.  It was completely innocent though I swear, I just got caught up listening to their voice.”

The brunette raises her eyebrows so high they almost disappear into her hairline, “Wow.  That is umm… yeah you definitely have boundary issues but I want to know if they joined or did they kick you out?”

Chloe gives a sultry smile and responds, “Oh they definitely joined.  I’m really confident about all this,” she gestures to her body.

Beca coughs, not expecting that remark, “You should be.”  She takes another gulp of wine and braves the last question, “So is a family something that you want out of your next relationship or in your future at all?”

The red-head nods vigorously, “No question.  I’ve always wanted a really big family and I would love to carry a child.  I think I was born to be a mother, I nearly became a kindergarten teacher before I started vet school.  I would feel empty if it never happened for me I’m pretty sure.  I mean, it’s a future thing, I’m not ready just yet but in a few years for sure.”

Beca just watches the red-head speak and is mesmerized by the desire in her eyes for a family.  It makes her heart feel like it wants to jump out of her chest – she’s never _really_ put a lot of thought into it until Chloe asked her tonight but now she is pretty sure it’s already written into her future.  Before she can respond to the answer from the blue-eyed woman before her, she hears a deep voice from beside Chloe.

“Hey there red, you look mighty fine tonight.  Can I interest you in a drink?”

They both look up at the greasy haired (although it could be too much gel – it’s hard for Beca to say), cocky man with his hand on the back of Chloe’s chair while he leans over her – far too close for either of their liking.  He’s facing the vet and has most of his back to the brunette, ignoring her completely.

Chloe looks uncomfortable with the intense leering that is being directed at her and she shifts in her chair trying to put more space between her and the man.  “Oh um… no thank you, I already have a drink.”

“You could always use another baby.  Tell me your name honey,” he tries to sweet talk the red-head.

Beca starts seething, she cannot believe that this man is blatantly hitting on the vet when she is clearly not alone for starters, but why the fuck is he continuing when Chloe is clearly not interested!

“Oh umm, I’m actually on a date already so I’m good,” the red-head tries to politely end the attempt at… whatever aggressive form of flirting this man thinks is acceptable.

Without acknowledging anything Chloe has said (in fact he seems to disregard it completely) he continues, “Come on baby, tell me your name.  We can go get a drink and go back to my place,” he also tries putting a lock of Chloe’s hair behind her ear but she shakes her head and moves away further.

“Woah dude, she said no!  How about you listen to the lady and move on,” Beca interjects.  She’s getting real tired of this shit.

The man turns to smirk at Beca for a second before turning back to Chloe, “You know that you need me honey.  That short thing won’t be able to give you what you need.  I’ll give you the ride of your life.”  He winks at the vet and then licks his lips, attempting to entice her?  Either way Beca feels like she might throw up from disgust and rage at the same time.

The brunette’s chair screeches backwards as she stands, honestly unable to believe that this asswipe can’t take no for an answer.  “Hey!  Listen dick, I don’t know why you think you are god’s gift to woman kind but she’s already said she’s not interested.  Now move the fuck on and stop harassing her.”

Chloe is looking up at Beca in awe.  She’s never been one that could stand up like that – she’s confident but not always assertive.  The brunette on the other hand is bravely standing up for her when she doesn’t even really know her and it warms her heart.

The lights in the studio come back on and Beca barely registers her roommate’s voice over her anger, “Well we better end this date there before shortstack ends up back in jail!  Thank you Theo my man, that was some ace acting.”  Fat Amy high fives the greasy man and he turns back to Beca and Chloe to apologize for being a dick.

It takes them a minute to realise that it was a scripted part of the ‘date’, just like the waiter spilling the tray of drinks during Chicago’s ‘date’ must’ve been.  Beca wants to be mad at Fat Amy, but she sees the look of relief on Chloe’s face and a smile that starts to take over.  It makes her anger disappear and the red-heads smile must be contagious because one starts to form on Beca’s lips as well.

Fat Amy pulls both of them over and Chicago joins them.  “So Red you’ve had the two dates now, how was that experience for you?”

Chloe responds with a chuckle (she can’t be feeling too bad now Beca hopes), “Well it was certainly an experience!  You know how to keep people on their toes Fat Amy.”

The blonde grins at them all, “Ok ok enough chit chat, we are totally running out of time here.  Ginger who do you pick for your date – a date that I will have absolutely nothing to do with planning!”

The red-head looks at both Chicago and Beca and breathes out slowly, “Okaaaaay.  Well they are both lovely people but I really clicked with one and I feel that there is definitely a lot of potential there.  I really want to explore with this person and I hope they feel the same.  The person I pick for my date is… Beca!”

The brunette hears her name but it sounds muffled, she thinks that she may have died and she is totally not being dramatic.  If she heard correctly, the red-headed goddess has just chosen her over the chiselled moron (Beca knows he’s lovely but imagine trying to maintain a conversation with him).  A bunch of confetti gets shot out from the ceiling all over them and it takes Fat Amy pushing Beca over to Chloe for her to finally start breathing again.

She’s now in front of the red-head and she’s not quite sure what to do – half of her is screaming to kiss the red-head and the other half… well, it’s also screaming at her to kiss the red-head but it’s also reminding her that there is an audience present. 

Chloe looks at Beca hopefully and that’s all it takes for the brunette to lunge forward and press her lips to the red-heads.  It takes a second but Chloe start responding to the kiss and then they are standing in front of this audience, having a first kiss (which is _definitely_ not on Beca’s to do list but it’s happening).  They break apart after a second and Chloe says, “So how bout it DJ, you want to go on a date with me?”

Beca just shakes her head with a smile, “Abso-fucking-lutely Beale.”


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue for the story!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has clearly taken me forever and I'm not overly happy with it but I don't think I can look at it again without bursting into flames. Please let me know if you hate it etc.
> 
> Again, I haven't really read over it so there will likely be mistakes but that's why you guys can comment on it!

“No!  It’s not going to happen Ames,” Beca stated firmly.  
  


“Come on Beca!  I never ask you for anything!”  
  


Beca frowns at her robust blonde roommate, “Umm you asked if you could come onto my station during my show and do some free advertising for something that sounded suspicious like a homemade porno.”

 

“Uhhhh… I don’t know what you mean,” Amy says in a high-pitched tone Beca knows all too well means that she is lying.

 

Beca crosses her arms and stares down her roommate, “Oh really.  You’re telling me that ‘Bumper to Thumper: Mermaids keeping it tight’ was not some kind of sexual tryst between you and Bumper that you are trying to sell now that you have been on TV?”

 

Amy just continues to look around the room and avoid Beca’s face, “Oh no, it was something about going deep… into the ocean.  Yeah!  Exploring the deep, best way to describe it while staying completely PG.”

 

Cringing at the explanation, praying away any mental imagery that might come flying at her, Beca just decides to leave it alone for the moment and goes back to getting ready before saying to herself, “Wait a second.  I feel like we’ve had this exact conversation before.”  Shrugging away that thought, and proceeding to push Amy out the door so that she can finish putting on her makeup.

 

“Fine shortstack I’ll leave.  But I expect the rights to the movie of you guys,” Amy demands loudly.

 

Confusion takes hold of Beca’s features before she responds, “Wait, what the hell are you talking about?  What movie?”

 

“Duhh, your sex tape with the ginger,” she states as if it should be obvious.  “We can call it: ‘H.R. Muff N’ Stuff: The tale of the burning bush’ or something.  Whatever we call it, there HAS to be a reference to the elmo fuzz she is bound to have down under.”

 

Beca nearly chokes on her own saliva, “AMY!”  She takes a deep breath to calm herself and explains, “Let me make this clear.  There will be NO sex tape.  None.  Ever!”

 

The blonde does an exaggerated wink at her, “Got it Shawshank.  ‘No’ sex tape.”

 

“I’m not joking Amy.”

 

“Oh yeah.  I gotcha, loud and clear.  Definitely ‘no’ sexcapades on tape,” Fat Amy nods along but clearly doesn’t understand that her roommate is serious.

 

Beca knows that she’s not getting through to her, so she has to pull out the big guns, “Patricia!”

 

Fat Amy gasps loudly in shock and her hand shoots up to her mouth to show her horror, the use of her real name from her friend indicating this was not a joke.

 

Beca ignores Amy and continues, pointing her finger at her roommate while she speaks, “I’m serious.  No sex tape.  We haven’t even been on our date yet!  But I swear to god if I find out that you have put cameras in this apartment to try and catch us in any kind of act, I will cancel the subscription to the ‘Thunder from Down Under’ magazine **and** the food channel.”

 

Amy just stares with her mouth open, not used to Beca taking an _actual_ stand against her antics. Normally she would just go with it or grumble but then give in, perhaps wanting to sell her sexual adventures to many many strangers was too far. “Point made BM, I got it like Stacie got the clap those 2 times.  But do I still need to go?” Amy questions.

 

Beca gives her a pointed look, “Yes.  Get out Ames.”

 

The blonde puts her hands up in surrender, “Alright alright, don’t get your knickers in a knot.  I’ll go now and see you later.”  Amy starts to leave and shouts over her shoulder as she shuts the front door, “Remember to wear protection Shawshank!”

 

Hearing the door slam shut Beca breathes a sigh of relief, one less thing to worry about and now she can get ready in peace before her inevitable freak out.  This is her first date in really long time.  This is the first time she’s actually _liked_ someone in an even longer time.  Everything in her is screaming for her not to mess this up, but there’s another voice, a quieter one, that’s whispering assurances to her.  It’s trying to soothe her soul, reminding her that Chloe already likes her.  She’s heard some embarrassing things about her _and_ met her crazy, boisterous (in Amy’s case), oddball friends – and that **hasn’t** sent her running for the hills! 

 

Beca knows that her fears about this date are fairly unjustified.  Everything she knows and has learned about Chloe just prove that as long as she doesn’t act like a moron or attempt to whip her non-existent dick out in the middle of their date, she’ll be fine.  She hasn’t been judged as weird for not liking movies, her sarcasm has been received as funny (pretty much exactly what she goes for) and her passion for music is reciprocated so amazingly well in Chloe.  It’s actually a little scary thinking about how much she adores the redhead when they only met a week ago in the most insanely ridiculous dating game show ever conceived.

 

They’ve already kissed for god’s sake, she shouldn’t be nervous!  The chemistry between them is clear considering Chloe didn’t ghost her after that and still seems really excited about the date.  Admittedly, kissing Chloe was a very spur of the moment decision and probably one that she shouldn’t have jumped straight into lips first.  She’s already vowed to herself to take it slower so that they can get to know each other, she refuses to be like Tom.

 

After throwing on a jacket, she then checks herself in the mirror for stray eyelashes and streaky makeup so that she can at least make a somewhat ok first date impression.

 

_‘Not bad Mitchell, you don’t look like you are gonna barf which is ideal in this situation.’_

 

A knock at the door causes her to jump slightly and her heart to speed up.  When she swings the door open, a bright-eyed beauty stands before her, looking ever the vision in her blue checker dress and her red hair flowing.  Smiling widely she greets her, “Hey Chlo.”

 

She receives a blinding grin in return and Chloe steps forward, proceeding to wrap her arms around Beca in a warm hug, “Hey Becs.”  Floral scents invade her senses, making her feel slightly heady and almost intoxicated just from being near Chloe. 

 

When they pull back from one another Beca expects it to be slightly awkward, but to her surprise, words have already left her mouth and her brain struggles to catch up to what she has been saying.  “You look incredible and now I think I need to change.”

 

Chloe grabs her hand before she can turn away and go to her room, protesting, “Noooo!  You look very cute.”

 

Beca playfully growls her denial of that statement, “Definitely not cute Beale.  Can’t you see how awesome I am?”  She emphasises her point with a flick of her jacket collar.

 

Chloe tries hard not to grin at her awkward yet dorky move, “Oh my how wrong I was!  Most definitely not cute…  More like _adorable_!”

 

Beca groans loudly but grabs Chloe’s hand and drags her out the door, mumbling along the way, “C’mon on before I change my mind about this date Red.”

Chloe giggles as they leave the apartment and is surprised that Beca leads them down the street instead of driving.  They walk not too far away to the Eat Street markets where there are just rows and rows of food vendors of all types serving small portions of food.

 

Beca thought it would be nice to walk around and try something different for a first date (though they already semi-had a first date on the show a week ago).  This way they could try different things and learn more about each other without any of the pressure normally felt on a date because let’s face it, they’d had a shit ton of awkward moments and pressure in that 2 hours with Fat Amy and an audience watching them.

 

“I hope this is ok.  I thought it would be cool to try and eat a bunch of different stuff while we walk around,” Beca nervously rambles.

 

Chloe shakes her head, “Oh Beca it’s totes amazing!  I’ve never been here before!”  She smiles widely, an almost cheek-splitting grin that seems to be contagious because it forces Beca into a smile as well.  Grabbing Beca’s upper arm with her left hand while the right hand still clasped Beca’s left, she excitedly dragged her forward.

 

They walked through the vendor setups looking around and deciding what to taste first.  They share a portion of a few of the stalls they go to each.  Chloe tries to be cute and feed Beca some of the dessert they share but Beca tries to duck and weave her head to avoid it (she believes she is beyond such things) until she sees the plump bottom lip of her date jut out into the biggest pout she’s ever seen.  It strips her of any power or will she had in this moment.

 

Groaning loudly she throws her head back in dramatics before acquiescing and letting Chloe feed her.  By the time she notices the mischievous sparkle in the bright blue eyes before her, it’s too late.  She ends up wearing dessert on her face instead of eating it as Chloe chooses to smoosh the smores cupcake frosting over her mouth instead of into it.  Beca gives her a frosted grin before saying, “Oh I think your aim needs some work Beale.”

 

Chloe giggles at her, “Oh really?  My bad, I thought that was where you wanted it.”

 

Beca swipes some off her face with a finger and sucks it off before giving a thoughtful nod and humming, “Hmm not bad.”  She swipes some more and offers her finger to Chloe who dodges it with a smile and an attempt at a playful scowl, “C’mon Chlo, you know you want some!”  It doesn’t last for long before she gives up, already with a new idea in mind.  She moves her head forward and presses her lips to Chloe’s, catching her off-guard, using a kiss to smoosh the frosting on the red-head’s mouth as well.

 

Even though she wasn’t prepared and a squeak of surprise leaves her mouth as Beca kisses her, it takes no longer than a moment to return.  She smiles through the kiss causing Beca to pull back and rest her forehead against hers.  “It’s very difficult to do that when you smile Beale,” smirking as she says it.  “It’s not a bad frosting though is it?”

 

Chloe makes a show of licking the frosting from her lips, “Mmmm definitely delicious.”  Taking advantage of Beca staring at her lips, Chloe brings the cupcake up again to smoosh more on Beca’s face while she is unaware.  Laughing loudly at the look on Beca’s face before she gets up and runs away.  Beca chases the red-head through the stalls until she spots her heading to the pier.  She catches up to Chloe and locks her arms around her, facing her so that she can rub her chin and the frosting all over her as they both laugh and Chloe squeals slightly.

 

“How is it now?” Beca asks with a smirk and resting her forehead against the red-heads.

 

“Hmm.  Tasted better coming from your lips.”

 

The answer from Chloe is enough for Beca to lean in so she can have another taste.  Just as their lips touch it starts pouring down rain and they both run back undercover.  They take a cab back to Chloe’s house so that Beca can dry off (or at least that is what Chloe tells her).  The moment they walk inside the red-head’s apartment, Beca whistles at how nice the place is.  Well, she tries to whistle but she has a Chloe attached to her lips which makes it impossible.

 

It took all of 0.25 seconds for her thoughts about how _Chloe_ the apartment seems before her brain melted and became a useless puddle in her head once soft pink lips found hers.  Their kisses earlier were gentle but it seems the red-head has decided that slow and gentle is not how the rest of this evening is going. 

 

Before long she feels herself being guided backwards with hands resting on her hips, fingers curled around her belt loops.  Chloe pulls back, drawing a deep breath before announcing, “So that was the entrance, kitchen next to it and this is the living room,” haphazardly pointing in various directions.  Beca is not sure that she heard anything that the red-head said due to the kissable look planted on her face currently.  She nods dumbly before bringing her hands back to Chloe’s face and surges forward once more. 

 

“Nice place Beale,” she mumbles in between heavy kisses.  They still appear to be moving backwards and Beca’s knees hit something behind her. 

 

Chloe pushes Beca down onto the couch and quickly straddles her, “Thanks!  I’ll finish the tour a little later.”  Her tone is far too innocent and cheerful for this situation but she transforms back to sexy vixen in a matter of moments.  Beca feels Chloe’s fingers in her hair as they grasp and pull her closer.  They trade heavy kisses before she feels a sharp pull on her hair and suddenly Chloe’s lips are attached to her neck, sucking with a purpose.  Beca gasps loudly, enjoying the sting that comes from the red-heads teeth grazing her sensitive flesh.  She avoids letting her hands travel too far away from the safety of Chloe’s hips, shoulders or head, not wanting to move too fast.

 

They continue kissing until they eventually simmer down to lazy, slow kisses.  Not venturing past a heated make-out session for their first official (non-televised) date seemed appropriate.  Chloe rests her forehead on Beca’s and lets out a shaky sigh, one that tells Beca stopping might’ve been just as hard for her date as it was for her.

 

“Well.  I think I owe Fat Amy an apology,” Beca says, breaking the silence.

 

Furrowing her brows in confusion Chloe responds, “Apology for what?”

 

Beca’s mouth turns up into a beautiful, almost childlike grin, “Oh just for being such a stubborn ass when she wanted me to go on this dating show.  Turns out it might’ve been the best thing I’ve ever done.”

 

Chloe lets out a small chuckle, “It’s a good thing I’m not lactose intolerant because that was super cheesy.  But it was _my_ kind of cheesy.”  She leans forward to give Beca a gentle kiss, one that doesn’t linger this time but was just enough to convey her appreciation for the corny line.

 

“The episode airs tomorrow you know.  Fat Amy is holding a party to view it if you would be interested in saving me?”

 

Chloe pretends to think about it, “Hmm… I don’t know.  Those shows are so silly and the people on them are so desperate…”

 

Beca plays along with a mock serious tone to her voice, “Oh yeah.  Anyone desperate enough to go on a dating show looking for love must be a real loser.”  She gets a playful shove in return and they both find it difficult to hide their smiles, the corners turning up slightly.

 

“Sure thing Becs.  I’ll be your knight in shining armour tomorrow,” Chloe states with a wink.

 

“Oh good, you can return the favour from me saving you in that restaurant setup.”

 

“It’s a date,” Chloe finishes with a teasing poke to the tip of Beca’s nose.

  

* * *

 

 

Beca had no idea who Amy invited to this viewing party but she definitely didn’t expect to see Tom and Chicago there.  Apparently Fat Amy has made it part of her process to “assess” the contestants after they lose to see if it’s worth bringing them back again.  Now they won’t leave her alone and (in Fat Amy’s words) they have caught “fat fever”.

 

When she heard that she immediately put on her headphones and left the room, insisting that hearing any more from her robust friend can only be nightmare inducing.  She _certainly_ doesn’t want to hear anything about Tom and his “platy-pussy destroyer” or so Fat Amy has described (Beca thinks that’s what was said, it was very muffled through her hands over her ears and her yelling ‘blah blah blah’ loudly so that she didn’t hear something frightening).

 

When she came home from work that afternoon to loads of people she didn’t know, she decided to avoid them and stick to her room and the spread of food until Chloe arrived.  She pulls out her phone and decides to warn Chloe about the unwanted guests.

 

**Beca: I need my knight in shining armour here asap.**

**Chloe: Oh no!  Why?  What happened? :O**

**Beca: Amy happened.  She’s invited Chicago AND Tom here.  *eyeroll***

**Chloe: OMW!!!!!**

**Beca: You are a godsend.  Also I can’t wait to see you** **J**

**Chloe: I knew you would start loving emojis!  :P**

**Chloe: PS I can’t wait to see you either** **J** **J** **J**

**Chloe: and kiss you ;) ;)**

**Chloe: Are you blushing?  You are totally blushing aren’t you!**

**Beca: I refuse to dignify that with an answer.**

**Beca: Get your cute ass over here Beale ;)**

 

* * *

 

 

Once Chloe arrives Beca feels much more relaxed.  She’s still in her room when she feels a body drape itself over her shoulders from behind and place a kiss on her cheek.

 

“Hey you,” Chloe purrs into her ear.

 

Beca half turns around from her desk chair, saving her work first on her laptop.  “Quick I don’t have much time before my super hot girlfriend gets here.”

 

Chloe gives her a light shove, “Ok I guess I better go since apparently you don’t need saving anymore,” feigning walking towards the door to leave.

 

Beca gets up quickly and turns the red-head around, pulling her close and moving her hands to her hips.  “Oh no I definitely need saving.  But I think a kiss will do first.”

 

There’s no wasting time then as Chloe pulls Beca’s face towards hers, hands on her cheeks as they press their lips together in an almost too urgent kiss for how many people are outside in their living room.  Pulling apart Beca can’t help but smile widely upon seeing her beautiful girlfriend.  “Hi.  I’ve been looking forward to that all day.”

 

Chloe leans forward to whisper in the brunette’s ear, “Just wait until tonight and I’ll show you what I’ve been looking forward to.”

 

Beca’s breath basically stops and even though she shouldn’t still be so affected by the teasing comments, she definitely is.  Her argument is that Chloe is hot.  Like beyond hot.  Out of this world hot.  So it’s not her fault at all.

 

Fat Amy yells through Beca’s door, “Oi lesbian activity, come out the show is about to start!”

 

Beca sighs and grabs Chloe’s hand, dragging her toward the couch where they sit down side by side.  The show starts and everyone crowds around the couches to see the beginning.  Chloe’s hand lays on Beca’s thigh and squeezes when Beca appears on the screen.

 

She cringes whenever she’s on screen but even she has to admit that either the editing on the show was super good, or hers and Chloe’s chemistry was very fucking obvious from the get go.  She’s not sure that she ever stood a chance and the good news is that she didn’t embarrass herself too bad.  Plus, she did get the girl after all.

 

Tom still makes snide comments about how it was all staged and he was paid to lose but everyone in that room knows better.  Fat Amy gets a call to let her know that the show has been extended so that she is hosting for a full 2 seasons.  Naturally she expected nothing less but she still picks Beca up excitedly, ignoring the death threats thrown her way by the short girl.

 

The second the show finishes Beca and Chloe bid farewell to everyone so that they can go to the red-heads apartment, barely making it through the door before virtually mauling each other.  Beca’s grateful that they left though, because at least she knows that Amy doesn’t have cameras in Chloe’s apartment.

  

* * *

 

 

_2 years later…_

 

“C’mon babe, we are going to be late!” Chloe shouted to her forever running late fiancée.

 

She hears some thumping footsteps upstairs followed by a crash and an annoyed ‘Son of a bitch!’.  She chuckles to herself because it’s just so Beca.  There’s grumbling following Beca down the stairs which sounds like ‘Don’t even know why we have to go to this thing’.

 

The couple leave their house and head over to Fat Amy’s studio for the launch of her 3rd season of “Say Yes to this Mess” – surprisingly (though also not) to Beca, the show had been a complete hit.  When she thinks more about it though, her blonde friend is so over-the-top and untameable that she is literally perfect for hosting a ridiculous show and making it entertaining.  She’s also glad that she was on the first episode because the stunts and activities the contestants have to do now as part of the segments are just insane.  (She would never have agreed to wrestle a crocodile to prove anything no matter how safe Fat Amy guaranteed it was).

 

During the launch party, Fat Amy comes up to the newly engaged couple with a proposition.

 

“So Shawshank, you know how you owe me for getting you together with ginger minge over here?” She starts.

 

“Oh my god Amy do not call my fiancée that,” Beca states incredulously.

 

“Alright alright, keep them knickers out of that knot.  What I am trying to get at is I want you guys to be on my new show.  It’s for couples and it’s going to be called: ‘I Regret this Mess’,” Amy explains excitedly.

 

Beca and Chloe stare at each other before saying simultaneously, “No!”

 

Beca continues, “Ames, I love you but let me make this clear.  Neither me nor Chloe will EVER go on another one of your shows ever again.  We want to live.  We aren’t going to get this lucky twice.”

 

“Come on shortstack!  I never ask for anything!”

 

Beca rolls her eyes so hard she fears that they will roll right out of her head, “Now I KNOW we have had this conversation before.  Sorry Ames, not happening.  Find some other poor suckers.”

 

They walk away before she tries to convince (read: blackmail) them further.  They have learned their lesson now.  Nothing could top what their last experience was like and though she would never admit it to her face, Beca is extremely grateful that her crazy ass friends concocted that plan to get her on the show.  It gave her Chloe, which will always be the best gift she’s ever been given.

 

“So future Mrs Beale or Mitchell or a combination of the 2.  What do you want to do after this?” Beca asks.

 

Chloe looks at her with a beaming smile, “Oh I’m sure we can come up with a few things my sexy future wife.”

 

“As long as I’m with you I’ll do anything,” Beca says softly yet surely.  Chloe’s the one thing she’s always been sure of and that will never change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos on this story. It was my very first one and you were all so fucking kind!


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